Somewhere deep inside !

         I find it very hard to express myself. Not because I am short of word, but because of two reasons.
For one, I, like many of you don’t believe that my listener will understand. They have not walked in my shoes, they know nothing of my sleepless nights or the reasons behind my crazy smiling. My reasons might seem stupid to them. Or even fairly small for such strong reactions. But that’s how it is. Not everyone understands.
              And those who do understand me, and they care enough to ask. In those very scarce cases, I happen to be in chaos of mind. I barely understand what is happening else where. The random thoughts and no apparent reasons of stress drove me to write. A very refined and organized way of expression. And not only writing, i call this writing for myself.
               Despite a very large social circle and numerous ways of expressing ,we often find refuge in pages. Our notebooks, the best listner in the world who listen untill we retire from speaking, never fail to reflect back our thoughts. Showing exactly where we  were pondering more. Helping us to think and streamline our train of thoughts.
                 The best expression, our pen, speaks our language, copy our emotions and never ceases to  do so until and unless we want it to.
              Freedom of expression might be the motto of many and yet we are afraid to speak. We are afraid of not being understood. But my dear fellows, nobody understood Newton.
Express what you think. Write it down. A secret biting your insides?  Here is what to do, scribble it down. Cork it in a bottle, carry it to sea (that will be last of its burden), fling it over and share it with the sea. Speak with your pen. Talk freely with whom you want to. Be free to feel.
Carry your own listener and spokesman with you.

To motivate, here i have a writing of mine.
In my most jumbled up moments, this poem got out. One line different from another. But thats how mind works. Wonder of nature.
Now that, i read it after a year, l understand they were memories. Some lessons learned,  some losses and gains. As i understand it now!

Thrashing wild waves,
                    Captured in a jar.
Swift wind whirling,
                    Singing very far.
Silent words whispered,
                    Hanging in the air.
Hopeless strings of love,
                    Retreating in the lair.
Starring at his face,
                    Wondering what it is.
Emotions in his eyes,
                    In a moment’s bliss!
Soft touch of breeze,
                    Kissing her hair.
Drying tears that dropped,
                    Beckoning her to dare!
All those happy seconds,
                    All that didn’t last,
Is worth all i have,
                    A ship of broken mast!!
       (Written on  2 april,2014)


Damons reside within

          It was in late greek era that pain and suffering was related to reward and pleasure. That our sacrifices bring us happiness and good fortune. The same idea continued down to many centries and various examples were witnessed through the time. Keeping oneself in pain in order to gain is the most common commotion still among those with low beliefs and scarce faith.
        As i studied and observed these various methods of self sacrifice in the name of happiness, i found that we humans want to be in control of their fate. They want to improve their luck, the only thing which is reason of hapenings in their minute lives.
But what they do not understand , or as more intellectual people do not want to believe is that fate is as much out of their hands as the rising sun. And God do not put burden of its control upon us.
          What lies ahead demands our faith not pain. Revolution of mind is required instead of suffering. God does not inflict pain to humiliate but to teach and bring hearts closer. That is the way i understood fate.
          But then the question arises, from where did the absurd idea of inflicting pain upon onself came from.
In my curiosity, i somehow developed a theory, in its very crude form though but i would like to discuss it here.
Damon tried to astray the clean soul of human being, directly attacked its faith. Unable to putrify,it took revenge by giving them pain. Our souls, ready for the first attack, endured it well but were not prepared for the pain. They suffered a long time untill finally the damon released souls. But then in this long time, souls , so much familier with the pain, missed it. They assumed thatvtgey felt happy after so much pain as a reward. Although the happiness was of soul’s joy of getting released. They related their pleasure and joy with long period of misery tgey felt. Thus, the ones with less intellect, brought back the damon themselves. Allowed him to reside within. This worked out better for him. He instead of bothering with their faith in God, changed their conditions. That they will recieve happiness from God by suffering. Their faith in God did not change but their faith in fate got doped, which was equally fatal.
          Thousands of years passed since this unfortunate event for the mankind. We have been inviting damons ever since. They have been gaining strength while we relent in on them. Abiding by their treacherous rules.
How unrealistic it all sounds. And to some, its sounds far fetched. But believe me when i say that we all, you, me , our family members, friends, neibours, most of us are following this path, a misconception mainly. We are blindly listening to the damons and their demands.
             We suffer the misery, endure pain, sacrifice our hearts , invite the damons and expect pleasure. The worst revenge a man can take from himself is doping his faith.
             Stress, depression and anxiety are various forms of this revenge. Our worst enemy, the damons within, are the root cause.
             The treatment of it is as simple as that of a weed in in our garden. Root it out throw it away, spray herbicide. Similarly, if I breif it in a Gardner’s language (which many of us might be or become)
Root out the pain. Root out the Damon, throw doubts and conditions away, spary with strong faith. If you want to be happy, nobody can stop you from doing so. As happiness comes from within. Its cords are in your hands. Strenghten your faith.God does not want you in pain. He want you to have faith and believe in him.
              If a path seems painful, change your ways. It anything presses stress, then leave it well behind you. If anyone makes you miserable. Just throw them out. Throw out your